Zeeee-ing….[Smack]!

It has been previously thought that mosquitoes were mindless blood-sucking insects with no conceivable intelligence.  I have recently come to the conclusion that this is an incorrect assumption.

Having also dealt with bats, I wrongly thought they were also winged annoying pests.  I’m taking a break from knocking down the ceiling to let them all out to share my observations with you.  Let me brush some of this plaster off my keyboard.  alskdrj22300658.  Okay, that’s better!

Have your neighbors ever complemented you on your innovative new dance steps for no apparent reason?  I tried to answer my neighbor’s comment about my dancing while frantically jigging by the car door while trying to unlock it. Unfortunately he didn’t get much of a reply since I couldn’t shout long enough to drown out the whining din but that didn’t matter much because the mosquitoes had already carried him off out of earshot.  I think they dropped him off at work, but I’m not really sure about that.

I did finally manage to get the car door open and was able to negotiate a plea-bargain with the horde surrounding me to let me take myself to work with the agreement that I had to let some of them ride with me.  That wouldn’t be so bad, but I wish they’d leave their cloaking devices off while in my car.  You know, you can hear the zeeeeeeee-ing but you can’t see where it’s coming from. Then it suddenly stops…(!)…and you look around suspiciously and brace yourself for the stinging bite.

I know I caused some strange looks on the highway today madly thrashing and flailing around by myself but at least I got plenty of room on the road from all the other drivers giving me a wide berth.  If you ever see a vehicle suddenly swerve around for no apparent reason, you’ll now know what’s really going on.  You can actually see the driver’s lips form “OW, SHIT!  WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD?” if you look closely.

When it gets creepy though is if you actually manage to nail one of the buggers. I smacked one that had weaseled under my shades to bite my eye.  It landed on the passenger seat with a pitiful moan, out of reach and all crumpled up.  As I drove along flushed with my success, I heard this eerie music from somewhere and something akin to that noise from the shower scene from Psycho.  To my horror, glancing down I saw the mosquito regenerating before my very eye that wasn’t swollen shut!  Oh my god, it actually has an evil grin on it’s face!  It pulled out a little cell phone and started calling reinforcements.  I know I’ll be in for it when I get home tonight.

So I’m letting all the bats out because, you know…they eat mosquitoes. In fact I’m expecting very obese bats by the end of summer and I want one tethered to me at all times.

Bug spray doesn’t work.  I sprayed some into a cloud of these Rastafarian mosquitoes and all I heard was this sucking-inhaling noise and weird comments like “Ooooo cooool man, pass some a that over here man…”  Some of them began running into the walls, but it didn’t deplete their numbers any.  Show them a bat though and their little self-satisfied smirks disappear and they hum for cover.

I’m wishing the bats happy hunting.