Final Boarding Call for Flight F-YU

My, how time flies when you’re busy! I kept meaning to sit down and do this post but pesky things like work keep interfering.

(Some of it I would love to write about, but can’t yet.)

Sometimes ‘work’ is not like work though and that’s a pretty good thing when that happens.

I was asked if I’d be willing to fly down to Raleigh a second time and bring some more equipment up north.

Pffft, sure I would! From the wild west to the warm, muggy south east, I’ll do it all.

So off I went for round two.

This time, my flight schedule was slightly different. I only had about a 30 minute layover for changing planes in Minneapolis with this go ’round. In hindsight, I knew this was going to be a squeeze but tried to ignore the foreboding sense creeping up. Like if you just hide under the covers, the monster won’t get you.

Sitting in the Rapid City terminal and glancing obsessive-compulsively at my phone’s clock at the minutes of that narrow connecting-flight window ticking away, and astutely observing that we were all still firmly planted in the terminal’s waiting area some minutes after my flight’s scheduled departure, I willed with all my might for that plane to show up.

It didn’t work.

But finally, with only a few minutes to spare for a ‘cushion’ for the connecting flight, we were all boarded and taking off.

Upon landing in Minneapolis, the pilot announced to my great joy that “we’d just be taxiing for a few minutes before pulling up to the gate.” Of course we would.

UGHHH.

When we finally pulled up to the gate and the doors opened, people began stampeding out, like cattle set free from the barn in the spring, almost complete with gentle moo-ing. But my seatmate was an older, heavier lady. She was bewildered by the mad rush for the door and that no one would pause to let her get up and out. I was trapped. I could hardly climb over her, but it did become tempting. Finally another passenger saw my face and told my seatmate, “Ma’am, you just need to stand up and go; they won’t let you out otherwise.” She heaved herself up and finally…sweet freedom.

I now had a whopping 4 minutes to catch that connecting flight.

Out of the plane I flew, pausing at the stand on the way out of the hallway to ask from which gate my next flight was leaving. I was told, “Oh it’s JUST over that way, at the end of the walkways.”

I would dearly love to return and smack that person, but alas I had no time! “JUST” my foot. 8 miles later at a brisk, barely-restrained walk and I was no closer to that gate. It was like a weird sci-fi show where I could swear the gate kept moving backwards, just to taunt me. I pondered whether it was a mirage.

I broke into a jog. I did that literal, “Excuse me, excuse me, sorry…” thing as I accidentally whacked people with my swinging backpack. I hope I didn’t knock anybody out. I jogged up the escalator steps past the more patient standing people, willing myself to not trip and fall when reaching the top.

“This is the final boarding call for Flight F-YUto Raleigh, leaving out of Gate Infinity…”

I was finally just exiting the last flat walkway right next to Gate Infinity! Oh my god! I could make it! I broke into a desperate flat run, ignoring the dirt and debris my dragging tongue was picking up on the way. I cut through the waiting area to my door at a run…and the attendant saw me coming. I lisped, “Wait!” and she shut the door in my mottled, air-deprived face.

No kidding. I made it to the (locked) glass door, splatted dramatically against it and watched helplessly in dismay as her back disappeared down the curve in the hall. It hadn’t even been 20 seconds since the final call. Other passengers at neighboring gates dispassionately watched me choke and gasp like a fish out of water trying to catch my breath. I briefly considered flopping around on the floor to add to it, but discarded the idea.

Sometimes I give up for the most part on other humans and figure much semblance of decency is basically gone. People can be pretty bitter and rude when they want, taking out their dissatisfaction with their lives on everyone else. I could tell when the airline worker reappeared that she was not having a good day and had chosen to take it out on me.

But…fortunately, the jet ride was just as much “WHEEEEEEE!” as before. And the crusty panty-twisted airline worker was the only real bump in the trip. And even that was made up for with lunch on the airline’s dime, and if it had been necessary they’d have put me in a hotel for the night. I was able to just make another later flight on standby, and was even upgraded from coach to supercoach plus or whatever they call it. You get a free banana and an extra 1/2″ of space, basically.

And it’s all good. There was really no time pressure so had I been delayed a little by a night in Minneapolis it would have still been okay. I can now add “missing a flight” and “frantic sprint through the airport” to the list of life experiences. Not that they were on my bucket list, but I guess we’ll call them bonuses!

Magictunes Corner:

This is about an 18 minute set. The tunes Tell Me What You Really Want and Happy were composed and produced by myself.

Also included are Liquid Todd, a favorite Gorillaz tune and some White Zombie that I added some extra Woof to.

EDM/House music goes best with an extra helping of sub.

DJ Magicwolf – Tell Me to Spank the Groovy Monkey