The thought hits with anxiety Friday night.

“Only two days until I have to go back to work.”

Depression sets in and nobody wants to think like that so you try to shake it out of your head. It’s funny though, none of the ‘positive thinking’ tricks seem to work for long.

If you Google “I hate my job (workplace)” you can pull a lot of writings about optimism and exercising, maybe fluffy suggestions to manage your time and be organized (?!) Yeah, that didn’t help me either.

 I’ll be blunt here: for many of us those are a lot of no-help-at-allisms.  Many so-called ‘tips’ seem penned by individuals well versed in business bullbabble to coach you on how to trick your mind into continuing to be passive and compliant. Or something.

Maybe the realization is there for you that you come home angry and irritable after spending 1/2 your waking day under stress and you crawl into bed not wanting to think anymore, frustrated by an increasing state of depression.

Sunday brings a state of dread.

“Only X more hours until I have to go back.”

It becomes difficult to relax, even in the dark comfort of your walled-off bed cocoon. Weekends become vaguely reminiscent of being out of prison on furlough.

I’m going to go on the record and say this state of things is absolutely wrong. We’re conditioned to think this unhappiness is normal, “oh, everyone hates their job”,  or is dominantly the worker’s fault but it shouldn’t be normal at all.

You don’t have to have a physically demanding job to come home in a state of exhaustion.

My particular workplace has unfortunately proven to be pretty negative with literal yelling, along with passive-aggressive and hostility fits, and no – those aren’t even by me. The proprietor there has some memory problems and gets angry and frustrated with others. It breeds an undercurrent of anger and resentment from the other employees which permeates the atmosphere. It all causes much stress.

Ironically, this position was chosen because the field is about as far from life and death as you can get unlike some of my former positions, but you wouldn’t know that there a lot of times with all the carrying-on!

If you happen to be empathic or very sensitive the workplace negativity can become intolerable and draining.

Something to think about: In a week, a person spends more than half of their waking hours at ‘work’. This doesn’t include preparing for work, traveling to and from work, or recovering from work. This doesn’t leave any much time for you or your own life.

I closely resemble the Roadrunner with my feet spinning at quitting time. Usually I remember to open the door before blowing through it. Meep-meep!

I’ve realized that I’ve disliked a lot of my jobs, and simply jumping to another without changing something else fits a definition of madness that I think is fitting:

Madness is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Duly noted. So let’s fix this. I don’t buy a lot of garbage that insinuates there’s something wrong with me if I should wish choose a different dream than a standard, literally  soul-sucking 9-5 or that I need Prozac to numb my brain into tolerating it. For those this type of life works for, great! For the rest of us…

I like to not be screamed or cursed at, put down, risk my life or be exploited for someone else’s profit while my own life is drained away. There is no wage that is worth that trade-off. I like to be mobile. I like to be in more rural locations. I like to have fun.

I like to be happy! You can’t just wish it, you have to match your life to what you love.

How do I do this? How do we do this? (Preferably before I go mad?). I’m not sure yet but I guess I’ll find out. I don’t have magic answers (I wish I did!).  But I don’t have ridiculous platitudes either that don’t actually solve the problem.

Things I’ve realized so far:

• It helps to acknowledge when something simply doesn’t work for you. I don’t care if 95% of the rest of the population thinks it’s great. If you don’t, a different way is needed for you and all the psych-tricks in the world won’t ultimately provide lasting help.
• Sometimes you have to wade through several varieties of manure…cow…horse…swine…to realize it’s all…sh**.
• You’re not crazy for feeling bad about a job you hate. You do not have to feel guilty if positive mental camouflage techniques aren’t making it better. You’re not a Debbie Downer, some life-adjustments are needed.
• Usually if a person is happy the real positive thoughts follow, no tricks needed. (I know that much from experience.)
• Lingering depression, rage and deteriorating health are warning signs something needs to change, the sooner the better.
• You will never look back longingly on your duration in a job you hate and wistfully wish you’d spent more time there, unless you have…umm…‘those kinds’ of tendencies.

Identifying preferences and dislikes, no matter how outlandish or non-conforming they may seem to everybody else, helps.

For example, I hate feeling ‘trapped’ or like there is no end in sight to something unpleasant. For that reason I’ve determined that for on-site work I greatly prefer seasonal or temporary-type jobs so that’s something for me to fix. Some others may prefer the stability of a permanent job and that’s fine, it’s just not for me. I would consider remote work that I could do wherever I am.

If I can greatly reduce living expenses, I don’t need a job that pays a ton which can free up quite a few more options.

So if you find my post and you’re where I’m at,  I’m not speaking from a secure position on the ‘other-side’ or wagging my finger and lecturing. I’m trying to figure out how to make it happen myself. Sometimes it’s comforting to know there are others, so come along for the ride – this will be a journey in progress. We’ll find the key or pick the lock!